Salesman Balls pt 5

“Radio City’s first broadcast wasn’t 5.58 – it was two minutes to six..”

“We’re going to have to get some structure to these sales meetings – everybody keeps going off on a tandem”

“Have you got the sound effect of a mongoose in flight?”

“The frequency should help reverbitate the success of the campaign..”

“You’re the kind of guy who goes to the bank for fifty quid and asks for it in eights”

“Yes, you find that with blind people when their sight goes, another one of their senses
– like their vision – improves to compensate”

“Jack is another name for Bobby”

“I’ve got two words to say to you – Lancaster University Management School”

“If that isn’t the ket calling the pottle black”

(after being told that Sherlock Holmes couldn’t be used in a radio ad because of copyright)
– “Well, couldn’t you just spell it H-0-M-E-S?”

“You cease to amaze me sometimes”

“He was hanging on for grim death”

“Hard singers are good to find”

“People round here just take me for the piss.”

“Everybody was buying us free drinks!”

“That film with Eddy Murphy – Beverly Hops Kill”

“I’ll see that when I believe it.”

“At the end of the day, I’ve only got two pairs of hands..”

Two pairs of hands

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Salesman Balls Pt 4

“That will really increase your standoutability”

“How long will it take to get to Southport from here? (“about half an hour”)
– “How long will it take to get back?”

“Anybody tell me who’s on the back of a twenty pound note?”
– “Washington!”

“We’re just a small fish in a big cog.”

“Some people have similarized Sun City to Virgin, actually”

“But it’s out of kilt with what we’re trying to do…”

“We’ll want some stand-outness”

“Alcazar have just gone bust. Hugh and Peter are going to open separately..
– What, together?
– No, separately..”

“This is really a spring-box for other things”

“You two would die for GNR, which is exactly what we want you to do..”

“It stuck out like a sore balloon”

“Kids get in free for a pound”

“He’s paying the same amount … only less.”

(exec on hearing that a ‘Blues’ version of her client’s jingle had been recorded);
– “Couldn’t we do a’Reds’version as well? … after all, he does sell
paint”

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Salesman Balls pt 3

“Do you have the power to make that decision on your own solusly?”

“They’re a Scottish company – based in Scotland”

“They never know if they’ve heard it audiotorially”

“It’s like an Aladdin’s cabinet in here”

“Ooops.. that was a bit of a fraudulent slip”

“You know, maybe we should just do that K.I.S.S. thing – Keep it Stupid, Simple”.

“It has a double-barrelled meaning”

“I started off as a telly ad.”

“They’re going to have the flag all around the peripheral”

“She hasn’t got a very good ease of explaining things”

“We should use the special offer as a lost leader”

“If that happens, local rates will go up through the window”

“She could sell snow to the Arabs”

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Salesman Balls Pt 2

“As you can see on the audience chart, we’re a lot higher up the pie”

“I wish I could look into my golden ball and tell you it was going to work”

“It’s a misnomer to say more people listen at the end of the week”

“So you can see, we’re all men to all seasons”

“Can you just go and ask lan for some ballpoint figures?”

“If you stopped ten people in the street and asked them if they’d heard of Keith Pattinson, nine and a half of them would say yes.”

“Course you did, man. You wrote it down verbally”

“Is Dave in? (no.) Is he out?”

“They’re all coming in in their full entirety”

“That should throw a spanner amongst the pigeons”

“Can we use the Northumbria Police name, as it would give the ad an immediate stamp of credulity?”

“We mustn’t forget the vagrancies of the market”

“He’s at his desk, but he’s not there”

“I think we may be in danger of milking the golden goose.”

“They’re ‘ust dipping their tongue in the water”

“I can see right up your niche”

“We need to go over everything with a fine toothbrush.”

“Not wishing to shout my own trumpet…”

“It’s not like television – we can’t just add another page”

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Salesman Balls Pt 1

Have you ever been in a meeting where, due to the pressure of the call, the Sales Exec has said something that’s had you bite through your pencil trying not to laugh? Here are some examples of genuine things Sales Execs have said in meetings, or to creatives …. mostly in the UK but some from Australia and New Zealand. Thanks to Paul Borny for reminding me of them… and keeping the file… and to Tim Craig who collected many of them… and to the salespeople I love working with but sometimes trip over their vocabulary.

“So you want to be on air on the 25th, which is arguably next Saturday”

“He’s not very good at articulacy”

“I guess we’ll just have to have the conclusion at the end then”

“Let’s arrange to meet at a convenial time”

“Don’t fax the original.. you may need that – send a photocopy”

“Have I rung YOUR number?”

“We must use everything at our disposable”

“So you see.. it’s more people than watch magazines… sorry, read the television”

“I’ve had numerable clients who have been happy with campaigns like this one”

“Over four weeks, the campaign will have a conglomerative effect”

“The problem is very much a double-edged cleft”

“We now use a sophisticated research mythology”

“The audience per capita head now stands at 621,000”

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